Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she smelled like a LAN party
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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