Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
