elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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