Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
