i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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