my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
