Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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