Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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