He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
