if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The ass gains better be worth it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
