Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
