If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
