Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
