playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
