im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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