cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
