On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
