she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
