Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
