you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
