I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
