someone threw a dead crab at me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
