i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My cat gives me a boner
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
