Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
smell my finger.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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