I skipped work to stalk him.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
