It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
