Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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