You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just tell him i said nine months
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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