I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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