I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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