Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My vagina just recognized that song.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
