Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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