Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
