Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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