Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
