i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
