I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
