there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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