When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
