This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
