she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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