Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
