Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
