Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
