whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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