Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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