Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize