i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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