i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
