just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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