Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was like eating out sand paper
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
