Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
