Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
