Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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