dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think my moral compass just broke
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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