dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
