drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
