I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
