I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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