I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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