I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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