If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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