Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
