Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
