I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
