The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
