What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
farters have to be the big spoon...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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