were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
